Blinding my brain from the pain my heart feels

Blinding my brain from the pain my heart feels. 
They say time heals all wounds but I have yet to find that true. I find it insensitive that people think things can just be buried away so easily.
I have so much hurt to this day. Things I regret and things that were never in my control that I wish I could have changed. 
As men we aren’t supposed to show pain because it’s a sign of weakness. For me I believe it’s the opposite. Holding in my pain has created a weakness. I can’t think straight with all the emotions I have bottled. Scars that I covered up that should have been handled differently. But would it have made a difference?
I have everything I need but I still hurt for a love that’s not there. Was it ever there? Will it ever be there? 
Now having a son of my own it makes me angry about the situation. I look at him and could never fathom turning my back on him. So why was it so easy to turn your back on me? That is the question that haunts me. 
I know I’m supposed to forgive but I can’t help but hope that this tears at you as much as it does me. It’s not fair that I have to carry this weight alone, right? 



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